Written by Spam.

 

"get out of my alley" he said

"aaarrrggghhh" screamed pritchard.

"this is my home, its where we are raising our beautiful baby daughter, Jesus."

And, as if a dog to its name, came the most disgusting, spotty, ginger piece of living shit you have ever seen.

Pritchard was scared, he didnt know what to do. he ran behind a biffa bin, but out of the bin popped helen,covered in piss with her scabby face and warty hands. She tried to touch Pritchard, but he was too quick for her, he avoided the warty diseases she would be carrying by an inch. just as he ran behind another bin, and was thinking he was safe, a loud booming voice bellowed out of the sky....

 

"THIS.......IS.......PILL......NOGGIN.........*cough cough*........You have trespassed into my secret hiding placec, and then, too make me even more angry, continued to urinate up my wifes face! well, i am outraged!"

 

and with that, the hole allyway lit up with a bright greeny glow, and Pritchard looked around. He could see biffa bins, but they appeared to be covered with all sorts of dials and levers and stuff. out popped Jesus from a biffa bin, big warty hands and 2 foot long feet jiggling about.

 

Pritchard looked away, over towards another biffa bin slash machine thing. Jesus had somehow moved over here, and pritchard was confused.

 

"AHAHAHA i see youve met my precious daughter." Came the boominh annoying voice of pill noggin again. "or should i say daughters. you see my wife and i had twins. BUT!! thats not it. we changed these Biffa bins into cloning machines, and we are clonging our monster, i mean daughter, into a whole army of the freaks! erm, i mean......daughters......"

 

Helen crawled out from one of the biffa bins, drenched in sweat, piss and jizz. her legs seemed to have rotted away since the last time Pritchard saw her, and inplace were a couple a tiny monkey legs, obviously after being shoved up Pill Noggins spotty arse, due to the shit stains up them.

 

Pritchard was like, "Shit, i need a miracle if im to get out of here"

 

At that moment, a soft voice said, "Pritchard, I.....Am jesus"

 

Pritchard picked up a brick and twatted jesus so hard with it his head split open like an egg. he fell to the floor in a crumpled heap of a man, praised by most, but hated by Pritchard.

Just then, Bitch bailed round the corner on his rocket skateboard, and said, "Eeyar ya daft cunt, neck this shotty!"

 

Pritchard necked the shotty, but it had an unusual sweet taste. He stood still for a second, and then he suddenly felt extremely hot and dizzy. he looked down at his feet and they were wobbling and squirming and changing shape. he didnt know what the fuck was happening. he looked up for bitches help but he was gone. he looked at his hands and they were chaning colour. He was growing in size and seemed to be gettin stronger. He was certainly feeling more fitter and energetic.

 

The funny feelings stopped, and he felt right as rain. He looked at his hands, and he seemed to be wearing gloves, blue latex gloves. His legs were clad in iron knee pads over red latex pants. He saw himself in the reflection in a puddle, and he was wearing a blue mask. He looked just like a super hero.

 

Bitch had come back again, and he stood there for a bit, until he said

"Pritchard, you have been chosen by the shotty gods, to carry out our task. You must defeat pill noggin and helen in their attempts at taking over the world with their awful awful freaky children things, and you must use the powers we have granted you with to do this. Pill noggin and helen are so riddled with diseases that they have gone utterly insane and decided to take over the world. Pill noggin had the idea to drink some shotty water mixed with piss and spunk frrom their scabs n spots. what he didnt know is this forumla would cause him to have super powers and be invincible to human weapons, except for a fork in the eye, a spade round the face, testicles trapped between bricks and a pick axe hadle up his arse. Helen can be killed by stamping on her face 73 times, so that isnt to difficult, seeing as she has little monkey legs and is always too skagged up to do anything.

I have granted you the strength on 10 men, ice laser eyes, the ability to be constantly stoned, and u can fly